John R. Brandt's Blog

New Clothing Restrictions for Bicyclists

Stopped by Starbucks this am, where I happened to spy a group of serious middle-aged bicyclists (lots of expensive equipment, lots of smug self-satisfaction at being serious middle-aged bicyclists) taking a mid-ride break. As a result of this traumatic encounter, I am now calling on Congress to pass emergency legislation to stop the purchase or public use of Spandex by anyone over 40.

Hint to serious middle-aged bicyclists: Those things might be called "compression" shorts or pants, but the laws of physics still apply. Especially the one about not being able to stuff 50 pounds of, er, sugar, into a 10-pound sack.

It's No Fun Being President....

.... Your stimulus package is too small. Your stimulus package is too big. You moved too fast with it, or not fast enough. And as if that wasn't bad enough, then this: Apparently, Mr. Obama, you don't even know how to dress yourself, at least according to Andrew Card (George W. Bush's first chief of staff). Noting that Obama — seemingly preocuppied with global financial crisis, two wars, etc., etc. — has relaxed the White House dress code to allow shirtsleeves, Card told television's Inside Edition that he was "disappointed to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and tie, no jacket, kind of locker-room experience that seems to be taking place in this White House and the Oval Office."

Um... the Dow is in freefall, banks are crumbling, we're sending 17,000 more troops to Afghanistan, millions still don't have health care, and this guy wants to make sure the President's pants have a sharp enough crease?

What a Card.

Sometimes More Is Just... Too Much

My daughter showed me a book called 500 Cupcakes: The Only Cupcake Compendium You'll Ever Need by Fergal Conolly (Sellers Publishing, Inc., 2005). And while the book's subtitle is undeniably true (how many cupcake compendiums does the average person — or even professional baker — actually want or need?), a quick review convinced us that 500 cupcake recipes was at least, oh, 250 too many. If not 350. Consider these page-filling (if not mouth-watering) delicacies:

• Page 46: Vodka, Chili and Chocolate Cupcakes (Is it dinner? Dessert? An aperitif?)
• Page 181: Beet, Chocolate & Fennel Muffins (Um... No.)
• Page 188: Smoked Salmon and Mustard Muffins (Maybe in Scotland. Or prison.)

Ol' Fergal gives up on new recipes completely a couple of times; for example, on page 248 in the Cupcakes for Kids section, the classic Toadstool Cupcake is morphed with frosting and fondant (whatever that is) into Koala Bear Cupcakes, Sneaky Snake Cupcakes, and (I kid you not) Bling Bling Cupcakes, complete with silver and gold candy balls (but no fondant).

You can't make this stuff up.

And You Thought It Was Bad...

....that U.S Government finance officials have seemed overwhelmed (Hank Paulson) or implausibly forgetful about their taxes (Timothy Geithner). But at least none of them have been accused of being drunk on the job, as Japan's Finance Minister Shoichi Nakagawa was widely suspected of being at last week's G7 Summit. Check out the videotape.

Only in France...

...Could there emerge an account of the first meeting of the French President (Nicolas Sarkozy) and his First Lady (Carla Bruni,) that includes this bon mot: Upon being reminded by Bruni that she once dated Rolling Stone Mick Jagger, the President replied:

 “How could you have stayed eight years with a man who has such ridiculous calves?”

We’re Going to Kill Social Media…

….by insisting on making it a business tool. Yesterday alone (on a Sunday, no less!):
•    One business acquaintance (we’ve met three times in five years) tried to “friend” me on Facebook. This feels like an intrusion — Facebook is where my high school/college friends and I post dumb jokes, where my sister makes me laugh about things I don’t remember from our childhood, where other friends say they’re baking something, etc. Why would I invite someone I barely know to be part of that?
•    Another business acquaintance (whom I’ve met exactly once, for 45 minutes about three or four years ago) asked me to join TripIt — an online travel planner — that would share my travel plans with him and its other subscribers so that we would always know when our itineraries overlapped (so, presumably, we could rekindle that magic 45 minutes over breakfast or dinner somewhere). Honestly, it sounds like software invented by a stalker. Why would I automatically want anyone (other than my immediate family) to know where I am at all times?

The trouble, I think, is with boundaries. The two acquaintances I mentioned are both, I think, fine people, but I wouldn’t invite them to a family get-together or a neighborhood barbecue — and yet they’re asking for digital access to the same level of privileged interaction, without having earned it. Could they ever be in that circle? Maybe, but not by sending me an automated email.

Any balanced, satisfying life requires connection with others, but there are levels of intimacy for these connections ranging from business acquaintance to personal acquaintance to friend to family to lover, etc. The virtual nature of social media speeds and eases connections of all kinds, but it doesn’t eliminate the need to understand and respect the boundaries of intimacy, both for ourselves and for those with whom we hope to connect. My personal life and my business life are not the same. And I have no interest in establishing more intimate connections with people or businesses who use their newfound ability to connect via social media as pretenses to sell me something, or to cull through my friends to add to their own networks. But I fear that as more and more businesses and business people do just that, we’re at risk of turning a great new social infrastructure into billboard-filled, virtual wasteland. Who'll want to go there?

For Those Who Liked the Obama Action Figure...

...but still find themselves somehow wanting more, there's tons more Obama-themed merchandise, including Yes, Pecan ice cream from Ben & Jerry's (funny) and new Beanie Baby dolls fron Ty Inc., Sweet Sasha and Marvelous Malia (creepy). (Ty, Inc., by the way, insists that the dolls' names are a coincidence. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight). You'd better hurry though, because White House lawyers are working on ways to safeguard the president's (and his daughters') images.

The Return of the Dead-Cat Bounce...

...a great old Wall Street term back in vogue again, used to describe slight upturns in the prices of recently devastated stocks, bonds or commodities that are likely to drop yet again in the near future, as in, Even a dead cat will bounce, if it falls from a high enough window.

Thud.