John R. Brandt's Blog

Never take a decision until you have to.

—Margaret Thatcher

Attention TSA Personnel

It has come to my attention that some of you still labor under a number of misconceptions. Let's set the record straight on two quick items:

1. There is no "National TSA Policy" on whether to put your shoes in a bin or on the conveyor belt. I know you think, based on your experience at your airport, that the way you do it — In the bin! On the belt! — is the only way to safeguard the nation's airspace. THIS IS NOT TRUE. That means that when you act offended or disgusted by the shoe-bin-or-belt ignorance displayed by those of us who travel to multiple airports (and who have binned or belted according to local custom), you seem like a rube.
2. The same goes for whether an iPad or phone or keys can be in the same bin as a laptop. Multiple airports, multiple standards. Think of it this way: If the X-ray person can clearly see both, you're just saving time and space. Save the outrage for the 85lb. Hello Kitty carry-ons.

Thank you, and have a pleasant day.

The Entrepreneurial Curmudgeon says....

....that almost everybody starts a business with a single customer.

But six months later, if you still have only that single customer, you don't have a business — you have a job. One with less benefits, less security and fewer rights than an actual employee.

Pimp My Invoice

A friend shared with me part of an email his company recently received on behalf of one of his customers, a Mega-Global Company You Would Know, from a self-styled "Procuremement Outsourcer" that processes my friend's (tiny) invoices to Mega-Global:

[Procurement Outsourcer] and [Mega-Global] have partnered in an effort to increase savings and reduce costs associated with supplier alignment. The result is a new Hybrid Pricing Model, under which each supplier will be responsible for paying an administrative fee that will be withheld from all invoices submitted to [Procument Outsourcer/Mega-Global] for payment. This fee will be based on the size of the supplier company.

Nowhere in this email, of course, was the rate or size of the new "administrative fee" supporting the "Hybrid Pricing" model. A couple of emails later, my friend learned that his firm would now pay 2% to Procurement Outsourcer simply for the privilege of billing Mega-Global. Of course, Procurement Outsourcer will still take 65 days to pay, upon completion of the project. Meaning my friend's tiny firm could be paying 2% to finance Mega-Global for six months or more.

Five questions immediately come to mind for Procurement Outsourcer and Mega-Global:

1. You're kidding, right?
2. Did it ever occur to you that "Procurement Outsourcer" sounds like a corporate euphemism for "Pimp?"
3. Did it ever occur to you that "Hybrid Pricing Model" sounds like a corporate euphemism for "Sticking Suppliers With the Bill for Bad Outsourcing?"
4. Did it ever occur to you that suppliers might just increase their bills 2% to cover the "administrative fee," driving Mega-Global's overall spend up by — let me do the math here — 2%?
5. No, really, you're kidding, right?

Thanks for putting extra garlic in the leftover pasta you brought for lunch

If you're feeling more cramped at work, you're not alone: According to figures released by the International Facility Management Association, American cubicle dwellers had 16.6% less space, on average, in 2010 than in 1994 (75 square feet vs. 90 square feet).

Moo.

Four letters, begins with "F"

Finally chased down a prospect (let's call him Mr. D) who'd asked us for a fair amount of upfront analysis (my mistake) to see if our data would work for his purposes (after which he'd promptly disappeared for five months). We chatted amiably, weather and business and such. He explained that they'd gone ahead and done the work themselves, but might like to use our data now to corroborate their findings.

"Great!" I said. "Can you send us your findings?"

Unfortunately, no, he couldn't, he had to check with somebody else internally who "owned" the data.

"Great!" I said. "So you'll check with her, then send us the data?"

"Yes," he said. And paused. And continued: "But if you don't hear from us, that means we're not interested."

Um... OK, Mr. D. Thanks for the call.

And thanks, too, for the reminder of what always comes from giving away work for (here comes the F-word) free: Not a sale, not gratitude, not even common courtesy (would it be so hard to send an email saying, "No, thanks?") Just expectation of more free stuff.

If you don't hear from us again, Mr. D., that means that we're not interested, either.