John R. Brandt's Blog

New Term from Golf That May Apply to Management As Well

A Son-in-Law Shot: "Not exactly what you had in mind, but it'll do."

(with thanks to Scott M.)

Management Tip from Your Spouse

Well, really, from a psychology professor at the University of Washington who studies spouses like yours (and like you, too): According to research by John Gottman, a prolific author about relationships, "discussions invariably end on the same note they begin... if you start an argument harshly... you'll end up with at least as much tension as you began... But if you use a softened startup — meaning you complain but don't criticize or otherwise attack... — the discussion is likely to be productive."

OK, OK, it's not like you didn't know that already, whether at work or home. But it never hurts to be reminded.

Note to Self:

Buy more shampoo.

Ran out of it at 5:30a and had to steal some of my 16-year-old daughter's. I will therefore be conducting business and meetings today with hair that smells like "Pumpkin Pie Paradise."

Strategic Planning

Taught my 12-year-old son to cut the lawn over the weekend — with a very fancy new lawn mower — and was reminded of his reaction last winter when I let him choose his own high-tech $29 snow shovel at Home Depot.

"Dad," he said in the parking lot, "I can't believe you bought me such an expensive shovel. There were others for $10 or $12."

I told him I thought the shovel was inexpensive, one of the best investments I'd ever made.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because now I'm not going to have to shovel snow for the next six years."

Some Assembly Required

Installing a wall bracket for a new basement television today. The incredibly heavy contraption has nearly 100 parts and its own instruction manual, and is sold by the manufacturer, tongue-in-cheek I assume, under the name "Simplicity."

You can't make this stuff up.

Dad's Techniques for Winning an Argument, According to My 16-Year-Old Daughter

1. Redefine every term to suit Dad's needs in the argument.
2. Use the phrase: "Because I said so."
3. Start speaking in a funny accent and hope everyone will be distracted from the fact that Dad is losing the argument.

Smart Key, Dumb Driver

Bought a new car with a so-called "Smart Key" system, which allows you to start the car with a push-button as long as the fob/remote/pseudo-keythingy is in reasonable proximity. Works like a charm, too. The only problem is that the car's engine is so quiet, I have now walked away and left it running unattended in parking lots or driveways 3-4 times—secure in the knowledge (gained over decades of driving) that if my car keys are in my hand, then I must have turned the car off, right? Unfortunately, no longer true.

Don't you hate it when inanimate objects outsmart you?

Chainsaw Bayonet Update/Correction

Over breakfast this morning (!), my 12-year-old son corrected me regarding the Gears of War 2 (video game) signature weapon: It is not a chainsaw bayonet, he explained, but rather a "Lancer," which is, apparently, a high-powered assault rifle for killing aliens that also includes, at the end of its barrel, a chainsaw. Which, from what I can tell, is used in the game pretty much as a bayonet. And which, I am also told, can be purchased in replica form at Amazon for $139.99 (!!). The replica comes complete with fake blood, I am assured, but not, as I was already informed, nearly as much as I might think.

Well, at least we got that cleared up.

Understated 6th Grade Spinmeistering...

...from part of a pitch made by one of my 12-year-old son's buddies, as he tried to convince me that the video game Gears of War 2 (rated M) wouldn't be too intense an experience for them to play, despite the game's featured weapon: A chainsaw bayonet.

"It's not nearly as bloody as you might think."

Oh, well then. By all means. I mean, it's just a BAYONET, right? With a CHAINSAW attached to it. Why would I have thought that would be BLOODY?

Nice try, though.

Snow Day Rules

My 12-year-old son succeeded Tuesday night in getting school canceled on Wednesday due to snow (and lots of it). The three keys, he explained to me, were making sure that the night before, you:

1. Wear your pajamas inside out;
2. Put a spoon inside your pillow case; and
3. Flush an ice cube down the toilet.

Worked like a charm. If you're dreading tomorrow's budget meeting, you might give it a try tonight.