John R. Brandt's Blog

Slimiest marketing ever

My daughter was in a minor traffic accident, for which she filed the appropriate police report. Three weeks later, a telemarketer representing a local chiropractic clinic rang our house to say: "We're calling about her recent car accident. We just want to see if she's OK."

Yeah, right.

 

Best Commencement Speech Ever (by Dr. Seuss)

My Uncle Terwilliger on the Art of Eating Popovers

My uncle ordered popovers

from the restaurant's bill of fare.

And, when they were served

he regarded them

with a penetrating stare...

Then he spoke great Words of Wisdom

as he sat there on that chair:

"To eat these things," said my uncle,

"You must exercise great care.

You may swallow what's solid...

BUT...

you must spit out the air!"

And...

as you partake of the world's bill of fare,

that's darned good advice to follow.

Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.

And be careful what you swallow.

— Dr. Seuss

(An original poem composed for the 99th Commencement of Lake Forest College by Theodor Seuss Geisel, June 4, 1977)

True Confessions #453

"I'm an engineer at home, too, which drives my husband crazy. I mean, there's one proper way to load a dishwasher and that's it, right?"

(with thanks to MW.)

Blech

At the urging of my 13-year-old son, who's been curious lately about my upbringing and how it compares to his, I bought a box of my favorite childhood cereal so we could share a couple of bowls. We poured the Cap'n Crunch, doused it with milk, took our first spoonfuls at the same time... and promptly poured the rest down the garbage disposal. If it had been a wine, I would have described it as "overly sweet, with bitter corn notes that couldn't completely hide the manufactured mouth feel and finish, almost as if the Cap'n Cruncher Injection Molder had been leaking Cap'n Crunch Oil into the weirdly identical cereal bits."

As usual, If anybody tells you them was the good old days, they wasn't.

Best. Quote. Ever.

"Be good, and you will be lonesome."

    — Mark Twain

Apparently, When You're 12 Years Old, Crime Has a Six-Year Statute of Limitations

My 12-year-old son just confessed: When he was 6 or 7, and had a teacher he couldn't abide, he realized that her class came after naptime — and that, if a boy was sleeping soundly, the kindly naptime supervisors would let that boy snore another 15 minutes or so, even if he had to miss part of his next (hated) class.

"I faked that I was sleeping every day," he told me the other day in the car. "They would kind of [nudge] you, but if you went. 'Unhhh" [moves head groggily with eyes closed], they'd let you go."

I looked over and said: "I'm sure glad I've been paying that tuition all these years."

He just laughed. "Dad, I'm learning all kinds of life lessons."

New Term from Golf That May Apply to Management As Well

A Son-in-Law Shot: "Not exactly what you had in mind, but it'll do."

(with thanks to Scott M.)

Management Tip from Your Spouse

Well, really, from a psychology professor at the University of Washington who studies spouses like yours (and like you, too): According to research by John Gottman, a prolific author about relationships, "discussions invariably end on the same note they begin... if you start an argument harshly... you'll end up with at least as much tension as you began... But if you use a softened startup — meaning you complain but don't criticize or otherwise attack... — the discussion is likely to be productive."

OK, OK, it's not like you didn't know that already, whether at work or home. But it never hurts to be reminded.

Note to Self:

Buy more shampoo.

Ran out of it at 5:30a and had to steal some of my 16-year-old daughter's. I will therefore be conducting business and meetings today with hair that smells like "Pumpkin Pie Paradise."

Strategic Planning

Taught my 12-year-old son to cut the lawn over the weekend — with a very fancy new lawn mower — and was reminded of his reaction last winter when I let him choose his own high-tech $29 snow shovel at Home Depot.

"Dad," he said in the parking lot, "I can't believe you bought me such an expensive shovel. There were others for $10 or $12."

I told him I thought the shovel was inexpensive, one of the best investments I'd ever made.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because now I'm not going to have to shovel snow for the next six years."